So, above is an article floating around about obesity and fat
shaming. It has a lot of very valid points and it is an attempt to move
society towards being more accepting of fat people. Anything encouraging
acceptance of differences is a good thing in my book! I'm not one to go
on a fat shaming tangent and I'm a fat girl who has experienced plenty of
it. Here's the deal, you will rarely change a person in a good way by
shaming them. As a person who has been fat for most of their lives and
has lived out of an identity where shame is the core, I can tell you that there
is not a single time I was shamed and thought, "oh, I'm so glad they
shamed me. I'm so motivated to change now!" Nope, the shame drove
me deeper inside myself. It piled on top of every other shaming event I
had in my life and solidified all the negative things I believed about
myself. So, how do you help a fat person you love? Here's what you
do. Model healthy living and practice acceptance. Believe me, you
will get so much further with your loved one by living out of what you believe
is healthy and loving and accepting others while you do. Let them ask you
questions and bring up the topic of diet. Practice but don't
preach.
So, what if they are not a
loved one and you just want to help? This part of the article above really
caught my attention, "Acknowledging the infinite complexity of each
person’s relationship to food, exercise and body image is at the center of her
treatment, not a footnote to it. 'Eighty percent of my patients cry in the
first appointment,' Sogg says. 'For something as emotional as weight, you have
to listen for a long time before you give any advice. Telling someone, 'Lay off
the cheeseburgers' is never going to work if you don't know what those
cheeseburgers are doing for them.” Amen! Get to know the person
before going after them with weight loss facts and advice unless they ask for
it. Your input will go a lot further if you take the time to get to know
the person. Instead of feeling sorry for them, looking at them with
disgust, and judging the items in their grocery carts, give them a great big
smile and nod of acceptance! You do not know them and have no idea what
their life circumstances are. Weight is complicated, and it can come with
all kinds of baggage. That smile you gave at the grocery store may be
just the thing someone wanting to improve their health needs to take a step
toward it. It'll go a lot further in moving them that direction than
talking with your friends about their grocery cart! I think the final
note in this article sums this up well...“We all have to do our best with the
body that we have,” she says. “And leave everyone else’s alone.” I would
just add, "you never know what someone has been through and why they are
in the position they are in. Kindness is always a better choice than
judgment."
I really believe that most
people who are doing the shaming do so inadvertently and think they are being
helpful. They mean well. I've read this article a dozen times in
the last two days and watched responses to it. They are as I would
expect. Some demanding acceptance and others defending their actions and
behaviors towards fat people. I also think it is important to note that
shaming is not just done to fat people. I've seen people shamed for their
diet, being fit, skinny, and any number of things. Why shame
anyone? What purpose does it serve? If our goal is to help others,
then shame should not be a tool we use. I know this article was about a
lot more than shaming fat people. I'm not going to argue the other
information in it. I do not know enough about those things. I do
know what it is like to be fat and have a desire to lose weight. I'm on a
weight loss program myself right now. I did not come to the decision that I
needed to lose weight because someone told me I needed to or shamed me. I
came to the decision as I watched friends living healthy lives and doing things
I wanted to but couldn't. They practiced their beliefs about health and
never preached. They didn't have to. It was because they gained my
trust by accepting me and loving me where I was that I felt comfortable
approaching them with questions and ultimately took steps to improve my own
health.
Helping other people feels good. I think to be more effective we should all take shaming out of our tool box. Not many of us know how to use it effectively anyway and we have all witnessed the pain caused from its misuse.
Helping other people feels good. I think to be more effective we should all take shaming out of our tool box. Not many of us know how to use it effectively anyway and we have all witnessed the pain caused from its misuse.
