I've started a new activity...Muay Thai. It's a martial art and involves kicking, punching, elbowing, and kneeing people/Thai pads. Some people think I have lost my mind while others think it's pretty rad that I would choose to do something like Muay Thai at my age and physical state. All I know is that when I am doing Muay Thai it feels right.
I've spent most of my life trying to fit a mold that is impossible to fit. I work hard to be acceptable to everyone I care about. The environment I grew up in was not one that promoted nor celebrated individuality. There was not a lot of room for someone that likes rock music, thinks tattoos are cool, enjoys sports (watching and playing them), and loves a good fight. Any inclination that I was that person would mean I was rebelling and rejecting the faith and people I held so dear. I couldn't risk that. I loved them all too much.
As my children have grown and my environment changed I have found it more acceptable to explore what it means to be me. In December of 2017 I set out to improve my health and signed up with a nutrition company called Stronger U. I believe that step took this journey of exploration and self-acceptance from neutral to drive. I was stuck. With SU there are a lot of us on this self exploration/acceptance journey. At first I was frustrated by the whole "Be yourself. Do the things you love." vibe of this group. Eventually I couldn't get enough of it. I've done and tried more than I ever believed I could in the last year and half. It's crazy how surrounding yourself with people who have similar goals and are full of positive energy will move you to action.
One of those things that I did was to attend the Younique Foundation's Haven retreat. In February I went to the retreat and did Muay Thai for the first time. When I was punching, something happened in me. Dead places came alive. I did not understand it and still don't. There was just this release that happened and it felt good. I left that class feeling lighter and more free than I ever have I think. When the retreat was over I shared the experience with my nutrition coach who in turn really encouraged me to pursue a class at home. I listened for once and with each encouragement thought maybe I can just look around and see what I can find. I inquired at several places and Arlington Muay Thai returned my call. I in turn found the nerve to return theres after a few minutes of freaking out and set up a time to come try a class. I tried and got hooked. Not only was it fun but it offered help in all the areas I was working on: my physical state, self-discipline and talk, and pushing myself out of my cave/comfort zone. I learned that I needed to create new neuro-pathways in my brain affected by past trauma to heal and change at the Haven retreat. Muay Thai embodies all of the practices needed to do that. It also helps me with my overthinking and getting stuck in my head. Muay Thai takes action. There is not another activity I do that forces me out of my head like it does.
I wish I could tell you that I started this activity and haven't looked back. I can't. I've experienced a lot of internal resistance. I constantly doubt myself and wonder what those around me think. It's both physically and mentally hard. I'm not good at it. My coordination stinks. The list goes on. None of this internal resistance is supported at Arlington Muay Thai though. You can have all the internal resistance you want to, but it is not going to be nurtured or coddled. Ha! When I am there, what I hear is that I can do anything I set my mind to if I work hard, surround myself with positive people, and never ever give up. There is no room for any other message.
As odd as it may seem when I walk in that gym door I breathe differently. It feels like walking in the door of your home after a long vacation or business trip. I never expected it to feel that way. I've only been around a month. I'm guessing this is what it feels like when you set free a part of you that you've kept locked away. If I can leave you with anything from this post I hope it is encouragement to try new things until you find "your thing". Don't be afraid to start. Who cares how old you are! Who cares what other people think! Who cares who misunderstands it! Life is too short to continue to try to fit in molds that will never fit. You deserve to do you. Whatever that looks like. You may not even know yet. That's why you just have to start trying things until you find it. Don't stay stuck in your cave wondering why you are miserable. You're miserable because you're denying the essence of who you are. Stop doing that! Go find your thing and when you do you'll likely be scared. Do it scared. As my nutrition coach says....head down and do it!
Much Love!
MAC
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