Thanksgiving (Last Year and Today)

It was Thanksgiving day 2017 and I was sad, exhausted, stuffed, and eating my third slice of chocolate cream pie when I began thinking again I need to do something about my health.  I got on the scale and weighed 335+ pounds.  I went to the bathroom and cried.  I was miserable.  I couldn't stand for more than a few minutes, was sleeping a few hours a night, and just walking from my car into the store was painful.  I had just opened the TTS Center which was a dream come true for me.  I couldn't enjoy it though.  My size was like a huge boulder in my way.  I had to attempt to maneuver it in everything I did and most of the time there just was no way around it.  I decided to try one more time to do something about this.

Earlier in the year I had tried a program called Stronger U and it did not go well.  It wasn't the program.  I think I was just not ready.  I had enough success that time though that as I was praying, writing, and thinking things through it kept coming up as options.  I decided to contact them to see about trying again and they were so responsive and encouraging that I gave it another shot.  I was assigned a new coach and my fitness journey began again. 

I had no idea what was in store for me.  What I have discovered through this process is that there is not just one boulder in my life that I maneuver, but many.  Every time I get by one there is another one.  That was very discouraging at first but lately it's been more of a challenge than a discouragement.  I've maneuvered enough of them now that I am starting to understand that they are just boulders.  They may not move but I can.  I can go around them, climb over them, and chip them away.  Whatever it takes.  My success is not dictated by the boulder, but by deciding its okay to invest in myself, a willingness to be lead (coached), doing the best that I can, and trusting the process. 

When I started this thing I thought I would lose some weight.  I honestly did not think it would be much but any was better than none.  I expected to fail.  I had failed every time before.  I had no idea the lessons that I would learn or the life changing paths I would take.  I thought I was going on a diet.  What I did was actually start on a real health and fitness journey.

Here is just an example of the growth I have experienced directed through my Stronger U coach and the program.  Diet programs have one thing in common and that thing is the scale.  Scales are important.  They measure progress.  The problem with the scale is that it can be a distraction or obsession even.  I've been working with my Stronger U coach for almost 11 months now.  When he suggested I stop weighing I thought he had done lost his mind.  How do you go on a diet and not weigh?  To say I balked at the idea would be an understatement.  I had a full scale melt down over it.  After much discussion I agreed to be led this direction and just trust.  It has not been easy.  I had been using that scale as an emotional regulator and gauge of success or failure.  Now how was I going to know if I was doing well or poorly?  My coaches response was,  "right now lets work on habits.  If you will do that the scale will reflect it."  FRUSTRATING response to say the least.  Ha!  It's taken some time but I'm starting to see what he wanted me to see.  My habits got me to 335 pounds, and if I can address them and adopt healthier ones, my success won't be temporary but life long.  That would be amazing and something I would have never let myself believe or hope could happen.  It's been five weeks since I have weighed I think and I'm not sure when I will get on the scale again.  It's slowly losing it's importance to me as I shift my focus to improved health and building habits to keep that health once I attain it.  I'm trusting that he is right and that when I do get on a scale again it will reflect what I have been doing.  This is just one area of growth.  There have been many.

I have learned a lesson over and over.  Trusting the path God has laid out for me and walking in it is where my peace is.  My job in this journey of life is to take one step and then the next, and then the next along that path.  It's when I try to get way ahead or do things my way that I get into trouble.  I'm glad that I have started again on this path that I God has clearly laid out for me.  I pray that I continue to grow, learn, and change in ways that I need to so that I can live the life I was meant to live.       

It's Thanksgiving Day and I am cooking for my family.  Soon my mom and nieces will show up for lunch.  We'll stand around holding hands and thanking God for our blessings.  I have so many things to be thankful for.  For one I am a much improved version of the person who sat on her bed miserable last Thanksgiving.  I am down 50 pounds, wearing a size I have not worn in a very long time, walking a mile or more a day, working out three to four times a week, and I feel better both physically and mentally than I have in a very long time.  I can walk from my car to the store without pain and I can fit in both stadium and airplane seating.  Good news for a sports and travel fan!  I have made some amazing new friends and found the support I needed to be successful.  I have done things that I have always wanted to do but let my weight hold me back.  One of those things was to go to UCLA to get my PEERS certification.  Now I am the only PEERS certified young adult provider in Texas right now.  On top of all of those I have an amazing husband and two fantastic boys, a business that is thriving and that I love, clients and their families that I adore, and friends and family that I cherish.  Last but not least I have incredible memories of a little girl that impacted my life beyond belief and helped mold me into the person I am today.  Without my experiences and life with Hannah so much of what I do would not be possible.  I miss her beyond belief but am grateful for the time I did have with her.  I am blessed!  

Shout out and thank you to Coach Martin Diaz, Mike Doehla and the Stronger U staff and participants.  I'm grateful to have you lead and support my journey to health and fitness!  Love to my family and friends!  You guys are my rock!  Have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving y'all!